no doubt about it - i prefer animals to human beings.

and i knew exactly what i was picking up when i borrowed Dewey from the library. to many, it probably is just another book about animals (specifically, the cat), but it provided me the enlightenment i never even knew i was seeking, till now.

"...

That's life. We all go through the tractor blades every now and then. We all get bruised, and we all get cut. Sometimes the blades cut deep. The lucky ones come through with a few scratches, a little blood, but even that isn't the most important thing. The most important thing is having someone there to scoop you up, to hold you tight, and to tell you everything is all right.

For years, I thought I had done that for Dewey. I thought that was my story to tell. And that I had done that. When Dewey was hurt, cold, and crying, I was there. I held him. I made sure everything was all right.

But that's only a sliver of the truth. The real truth is that for all those years, on the hard days, the good days, and all the unremembered days that make up the pages of the real book of our lives, Dewey was holding me.

He's still holding me now.

..."

for the love of my life, teo dafei. 

i have this inordinate need to document the dream i had yesterday/this morning because it was so... incredible.

without going into specifics, let me just say that it was a condensation of many many factors that alarmed me very much. death would be one of them.. even the people who appeared.. and the one last bit about S and i.

in essence, it is well and truly a dream because nothing like that can ever happen in reality, but then... why and how did it all come together?

if i were to utilize psychoanalysis by Freud.. i would say that i am pretty fucked indeed. or that there is some deep subconscious underlying cause that is not known even to me as of now....

seriously. the stuff dreams are made of.

so i've just received a very timely wake-up call that my thesis is due in a little less than two months.

which translates into roughly 60 days.. and counting.

honestly i can't even remember what i've been doing for the past month or so, or if i was even doing anything at all.
so yes, the timer starts now... feels like a time bomb really.

on a separate note, certain beliefs of mine have gotten stronger.
one would be doing what you hafta do regardless of situation.. and also, 天时地利人和.

but now's not the time for emotions.. at all.