28/09/2013.

When I first met you and everything happened.

Nearing two months on, I'm wearing out.

You made me the happiest I've ever been but you also made me really upset. I cant even begin to describe how happy you made me. How, deliriously happy. How familiar and comforting, yet the knowledge that it wouldn't last.

Something suddenly changed over night. On sat night you didn't want to stay over, saying your mom would ask. But honestly, I don't think it was that. Something changed.. maybe because you knew we couldn't sleep tgt due to my injuries or sth. I'm not sure. Then sunday when I texted you you were just cold. Whatever the reasons, I don't think it matters now. I know you'll be fine in no time. Maybe I was just a distraction for you, something for you to while your time away while you were getting over your ex gf. You also told me you were dating a number of people before you met me.. so maybe that is your nature.

Whatever it is, it no longer matters.

Know that you made me really happy. Whatever happens, I wish you all the best always, and may you find someone whom would make you feel loved, and love you as you are.

I'm letting go.

I suddenly remembered what I wished for on my 23rd birthday. That you'ld stay in my life. and then you had to reappear on my 25th. but truth is, I don't think you ever left. I missed you all the while. I constantly thought of you, just that I didn't act on it. I shouldn't have and I didn't because I was with someone else.

What happened?

I don't think I ever got over you.

I'm not the fighting kind. Never was, never will be. I told you I like you, but I don't want to fall for you. Truth is, I already did.

But I don't want to hinder you. You deserve your space and the life that you know. Maybe my presence is truly just for here and now.

I wish for someone who would love you, complement you, and bring out the best in you.

i'm tired.

i'm ready to accept whatever that may come.

enough of uncertainties. I hope you find that someone who will truly love you. someone who you can love and will love you back. may you always find the strength to shine and do well - esp in your work.

I miss you. I miss us. the old us.

a couple more days to a new work place.. new beginnings, i suppose.

much as i'm hoping for the best, i do know that work - will always be work...
i'm gonna try my best.

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i always believed in "everything in its time".. rings even closer to my heart now i suppose.
never believed in hurrying things and that everything happens for a reason;
be it work, friendships, relatonships, etc...

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i'm not sure what's gonna happen to us.

i last posted in september of 2012.

we're already in february 2013.. 5 months forward.

so much has happened, yet my life seems to have come to a sort of stand still.

to summarise:
- work has been draining the life out of me. the talk today gave some comfort but still.. how long can i sustain this in the long run? 2 jobs in a year is definitely not a good record. is my heart still in it?
- been with you going 9months now. we've settled in a routine of sorts.. my temper has been incredibly short and im constantly getting irritated by little things. really minor things, even though i am conscious and aware that you're trying your best in many ways. i wish i could be better to you. and you give in so much to me.
- here and now.. E, you're still in my thoughts.

whatever will be, will be.