don't do one a favour if you're just expecting the person to be eternally grateful to you.
or step on someone when he is already down.
i dont suppose you've ever heard of ethics. oh sorry. i forgot it was you i was talking about.

and stop pointing the finger at other people, especially when you're no saint.

have lost the last bit of respect for you.

days like this;

when i've achieved most of what i've set out to do yet still feel like more needs to be done,
when i would honestly rather be alone, but there's this unmistakable loneliness.
where i question what's the point, or if there is even one at all.
where not knowing could work for, or, against you.

days like this.

A few times in my life I’ve had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be.

some time back, A brought up the topic of death. what was previously a pretty light-hearted conversation immediately grew more sombre. can't remember if i expressed my condolences, but i do know if i asked he was better now. he said he was.

perhaps, death need not always be associated with sadness or grief.

A shared that his father had a stroke when he was 57, and only passed on when he was 70.
then, A, as the eldest son of the family, signed the form necessary to perform the operation in hopes of saving his father's life, although risk was high and likelihood of recovery was small.

his father survived (obviously), but was bedridden eversince. A and his family then spent the next 13 years caring for his father.

of which i realized - death may be a physical loss. but innately we all know the exact point of time that particular someone or something starts to leave.

and that was why A said that he's doing better now. because he started grieving since 13 years ago. and that is a hell of a long time for anyone to grieve, let alone bear the responsibility of someone else's life.

-
likewise, you may still  be here. but you're as good as gone.
i don't think i know you anymore.

session yesterday (or just now) with JL has sorta.. enlightened me.
i think this could be the reason why i generally prefer the company of older people.
although older = wiser might not necessarily always hold true; comparatively, they already have the advantage of experience.

so yes, time for me to stop asking existentialist questions.

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
-Douglas Adams

today, i learnt how easy it is to give up some one else's comfort for your own, no matter how unwilling you may be to do so.
herd mentality, plain selfishness, or just.. being human?
your guess is as good as mine.

-
anyway. finally tried Wild HOney today after all the hype about it.
three words: not worth it.

maybe because i've worked in a number of f&b places and seen the workings of it all, i'll just say that wild honey edges too dangerously around repetition. singaporeans, however, are seemingly lapping the 'breakfast-all-day' idea up. to give them some credit, they use good ingredients. but only good ingredients on its own wont make the cut....

BB had the English, which essentially is the typical western breakfast. scrambled eggs, grilled mushrooms and tomato, bacon, sausage, toast..
M had the Tunisian. fancy name but actually just a herby tomato stew topped with two eggs and some chorizo sausages thrown in.
I had the Mexican, a burrito wrapped with scrambled eggs, potatos and some grilled vegetables. with guacamole and sour cream to make it quintessentially mexican.

factor in the 1hr+ waiting time and the cost of almost a hundred dollars for three people.. i'll say once is enough, thankew very much.

why am i writing about something as mundane as this?
i duuno lei.
maybe its an expectations vs reality thing.

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong; because someday in your life you will have been all of these." - George Washington Carver

while i can't say i've adhered to all of the above, i guess.. i probably should.

which also brings to mind the conversation with a cabby on monday. i do think taxi drivers are a enlightened lot; driving skills aside. they get to go around singapore and have probably seen a hell lot more - literally and figuratively - than any one of us. which is also why there's the old adage that when you want good food - ask a taxi driver.....

i digress.
anyway, the conversation started with weather (how typical).. i think i complained i was feeling unwell :S
which led to global warming, fault, dinosaurs dying out, and the end of the world.

pretty normal conversation by today's standards.. but what struck me was his cynicism.
he repeatedly emphasized against marriage, in case your partner's bad traits, genetic or otherwise, are inherited by your kid, thus ruining the kid's life.

too much of reality nowadays, i think we all need a good dose of hope.

and we're now into day 2 of 365, year 2011 :)

without much elaboration, let's just say 2010 has been a revelational year.
when it was good, it was pretty fantastic.
when it was bad, it was.. harsh. not something i'll ever be proud of but still better than 2009. although in all honesty said situations are totally different matters altogether hence not a fully accurate comparision. still.

the first afternoon of 2011 was spent with A.
this is probably the second time i've met him, but today i've learnt more about him than i ever would, say, any other person of whom i may even see on a daily basis.

thank you, A.
for your honesty, humility, generosity, frankness, and ernest-ness, amongst many others.

moral of the story today: don't wait.

above all, we learn.
we learn from each and every person we encounter, regardless of how fleeting the meeting may be.

so here's to another new year.. may it be a great one. cheers. x