for the last and final time... good bye, E.


reading through how I was all ready to give up. the earlier occasions, it is no wonder this time, I just feel numb instead.


I thought our trip to US would change things. in fact I think it did a little, I thought it made me understand you better. I thought you understood me better. I thought we could work out our differences and move forward together.


I thought, I thought, I thought...


it all came crashing down when we got back, and the people whom you call friends surround you again. then again, I can't blame them, because all these choices are the choices you make. consciously. Especially the one last straw, when you lied again and again, and shouted at me when I confronted you about it. you said that you don't want to live this way... well. I didn't need further convincing.


I'm tired sweetheart. have been for a while.


I held on in the hopes... always in hope that it would get better for us.


you were so sweet for a while, on the 9th month itself. but all those were short lived.


I'm trying to understand the anger too. on why you have to keep lying, for making the choice of keeping her around despite claiming she is not who you want in your life.. etc. but actions speak louder than words. whatever will be, will be, love. I'm letting go.


This time, it's in stone.


I've flipped through our pictures countless times.. our texts. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to do. convince myself that enough is enough? or reminisce our moments.. just one more time...


love is not about possession. may you find someone whom you love and whom loves you even more. I'm sorry I'm not the right one for you. for a moment, I thought I was. thank you for showing me a part of your life that made me realise the real you. the genuine, bubbling over, ever ernest one. not the one who becomes another person when in front of certain friends, as if its the turn on of a switch. when in US, you were this confident person comfortable with yourself and you have people who love you surrounding you. May you always be surrounded by people like that, and not people who would take advantage of you like those over here. Thank you for showing me what kind of life I want, and although there is no longer us in the future, you gave me the push to be better, to do good in what I have to do. thank you for showing me so much more, for pushing me to my limits. truth is, and something I said to you some time ago; we don't go too far from who we are.


Stay the same hon. I loved you. always have... and I will for a while more.


Take good care of yourself. your health. get to the dentist and get your scan soon. just so you'll have a peace of mind. Eat healthily. I don't know what else to say because these are all things I've already told you before. just that you never listened. try to sleep earlier. smoke less. eat your meals at proper timings. stop chasing the things and people that hurt you. Open your eyes and see who are the people that are true to you. those without agenda and those who do not gossip behind your back.


I cant even bring myself to hate you. you were so much to me. I just wasn't enough for you. you just didn't love me enough. I know it. Whether it was companionship for you.. or whether it was real.. I hope I made you happy. at least for a little while. you just don't know how happy you made me.


one last cry for you, love. 28092013 - 29062014:




May you one day hear my voice
and realise I'm speaking to you and only you.


Try to understand this:
You'll always be to me
What I'll never be to you.